A potential change of plans.

It’s been several months since I last posted. Last I updated, I had just hit 40,000 words on a new work-in-progress novel. (I hit 80,000 words, and completed the novel, two weeks later – 80,000 words in four weeks!)

A lot has gone on in my life since then. Unfortunately, no pregnancy. I took a break from trying to conceive for the second half of last year. In October 2018 I managed to get in to meet with a specialist who basically confirmed that I’m not ovulating on my own. She doesn’t know why. In January I met with another person in the office, who gave me two kinds of medication – Provera to force a period, and Femara to force ovulation. I’m taking them without any sort of monitoring (which sucks), which meant that I didn’t realize right away that my first round of Femara didn’t actually make me ovulate – so I had to take the Provera again to start a new cycle. This last cycle, it seems that the Femara did make me ovulation, because a period started (more or less) on time. Unfortunately, despite two inseminations this cycle to try and boost my chances, I’m not pregnant.

I’m seriously considering giving up this route to motherhood, at least for now. It’s emotionally exhausting – spending the first half of my cycle taking meds and monitoring everything obsessively to catch ovulation, and then spending the second half of my cycle thinking maybe, maybe, maybe this is the cycle that will result in a baby.

Artificial insemination has lower odds to begin with. If I’m not ovulating without assistance, and I’m not being monitored to ensure that I’m producing viable eggs, I’m not confident that I’ll be able to get pregnant. Maybe one day. Maybe through another method.

In the meantime, that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on becoming a single-mother-by-choice. I’m so far from over my desire to be a parent. I’ve just decided that it can’t hurt to explore other options, and what better option is there than adoption?

The adoption process can be a lengthy one, so I haven’t decided 100% if I’m going to stop trying to conceive, or if I’m going to give it another few tries. What I do know is that I’m seriously considering the adoption option, and I’m hoping to post about that here as I explore it – because I’ve found there is a shortage of blogs talking about adoption in my province and maybe whatever information I glean will be helpful to someone down the road.

Anyway, that’s all for now. It’s just a little update, but I hope to be more regular in posting in the future. 🙂

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Just keep writing.

Last week I had posted about how excited I was to find the muse again, as I started powering through a novel draft.

This is just a tiny update, and a celebration, I guess, because I feel like I’m getting back a part of me that I really missed.

In the first week working on my book, I hit about 15,000 words. Yesterday night, at the conclusion of week two, I hit 30,000 words. Now today, because it’s a Sunday and I have some free time (that should, actually, be used on things like… cleaning and laundry), I’ve managed to put another 8,000 words on paper bringing my grand total, on day 15, to 38,023 words.

I intend to hit 40,000 words by the end of the day, and 50,000 words by the end of this week.

I project the novel to wrap up around 80,000 words, so by the end of today, I’ll be about halfway there.

Typically when I start a novel, around the 20,000 – 30,000 word mark I start to think – “okay, but what about _(INSERT NOVEL HERE)_? Maybe I should work on that one instead.” And I hit that point HARD this week. I almost derailed and went back to an old draft. Or started something new. Or started a re-write. (I mean, the doubts kept coming.) Last night, hitting 30,000 words was like pulling teeth.

(Seriously. Last night’s words were utter crap.)

But then I hit my stride this morning, when I powered through a 3,500 word chapter in about an hour and a half. The 8,000 words I’ve written today have been over a span of 6 hours, and I took a trip to the grocery store, and stopped for a snack & supper in there.

And no, writing almost 40,000 words in 15 days is not generally the way to guarantee an award winning manuscript. But yet, generally speaking, first drafts are shitty anyway. Why not get it done quickly so you actually have something to make better?

Still, I’m feeling pretty proud of myself, considering I’m writing this around a side hustle and a full time job.

Basically I just wanted to write this, to remind myself next time I’m working on a draft that this is possible. I can do it. Sometimes the words will have to be forced out, and other times they’ll fall onto the paper with ease. But they’re there. Just keep going. Just write them down.